its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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