Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
