I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
