i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
