i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
