Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
