I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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