the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
