The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
