i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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