I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
being pregnant is like rehab
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
