I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
