The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
