i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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