I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
