I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
