I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
