i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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