Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
