Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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