Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
