why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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