Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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