i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
