he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
