why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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