I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I puked a lego.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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