It's like God shit irony all over that family
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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