just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
