Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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