is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
