Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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