Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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