Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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