you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
