He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
