the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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