Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm so fucking centered right now
handjob tips. give me some.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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