someone threw a dead crab at me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
