is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i will never coherently bang her
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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