Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize