I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
