His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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