Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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