moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
