Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
