I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
