I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
