he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
