You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
