i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
