I wish I could punch you in the face.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize