At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
my liver is dry heaving
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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