Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
