So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
