things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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