This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize