So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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