it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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