It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
