i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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