feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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