The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize