you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
