need another drink. this is the easiest way
kristin has been a bad kristin
Someone shit on the floor
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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