Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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