It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
