just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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