im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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